5 Ways to Support Sisterhood (and smash the patriarchy at the same time)

Calling Bullshit on Feminist Feuds and the Fantasy of the Perfect Woman Warrior

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A clash between two Australian feminist influencers gained traction on social media, and the patriarchy is revelling in it. Feminist debate shouldn't be about determining who is a ‘good or bad’ feminist. It also should not be about conflicts, public backlash, and purity tests because these diminish our collective strength.

In this edition of The Truth Bomb Times, I reject the myth of the perfect feminist, present my perspective, illuminate my fantastic Substack community viewpoints, and try to establish the truth: sisterhood is not optional; it’s essential for our survival.

A Battle on Social Media, and a Win for the Patriarchy

I wasn’t going to weigh in. But I’m fed up.

Right now, two high-profile feminist influencers in Australia are going toe-to-toe on social media. I came across the issue on TikTok, and it was not a constructive disagreement. It’s a public scrap, it’s personal, and it isn’t pleasant.

I’m not choosing sides, except for sisterhood. This scrap reinforces tired patriarchal tropes about bitchy women and Queen Bees.

Truth Bomb: When women perform for the patriarchy, they stop dismantling it.

Let me say what we’re I know many of you are thinking: there are paid-up members of the patriarchy laughing their arses off watching women tear each other down. They’re high-fiving over the old boy’s media headlines, pouring another scotch, and saying, “Told you. Women can’t even agree with each other, let alone lead anything.”

That is a fucking problem people. Because feminists fight patriarchy, not each other. Thank you for the reminder, Feminist Fight Club!

Play the Ball, Not the Player

I said this on TikTok earlier this week, and it struck a nerve: when women tear each other down in public, we’re handing the patriarchy exactly what it wants.

“I wasn’t going to weigh in on this matter between a couple of feminist influencers on this platform, but it’s made me sad to see women pitting themselves against each other. I’m not taking a position either way other than I wish that all women would support all women.

Now, to paraphrase the amazing Kate Forster, that doesn’t mean you have to support someone’s behaviour when they’re behaving like a See You Next Tuesday. But I’d like to see women supporting women, not tearing each other down. Because it gives the patriarchy another great excuse to say, ‘Ha! A catfight!’

It diverts attention from the very oppressive structures we should be tearing down, not each other. In sport, we say: play the ball, not the player. Let’s band together to fight the patriarchy, not each other. Let’s learn the art of respectful debate when we disagree. Because sisterhood is so fucking important.”

I stand by every word. And I’m pissed off that it even needed to be said.

Truth Bomb: The Perfect Feminist is a Fantasy

We need to eliminate the idea that there’s one right way to be a feminist. That kind of gatekeeping, those little purity tests, are the fastest way to blow up a movement from the inside.

Roxane Gay said it best in Bad Feminist:

“I embrace the label of bad feminist because I am human. I am messy. I’m not trying to be an example. I am not trying to be perfect.”

Yes, Queen Roxane, yes!

If you have been told you’re too ‘something’ (angry, sad, happy, corporate, feminine, blah blah blah) to be a real feminist, then call bullshit.

Truth Bomb: There is no perfect feminist.

Purity Tests Are Poison

My Substack community helped me to parse out my thoughts about this issue. Suki put it beautifully:

“Purity tests have brought down every movement that’s used them. Feminists who say theirs is the only feminism are not feminists. They’re authoritarians in disguise.”

Eleanor reminded me of the fractured history of the feminist movement in the US, splits over race, class, age, and sexuality. The only thing that’s ever worked? Intersectionality, listening, learning, and respect.

Truth Bomb: If your feminism only includes people who agree with you, it’s not feminism. It’s a cult.

When we fall for those purity traps, we don’t just weaken our movement, we hand our power over.

Who Wins When We Turn on Each Other?

Not us.

Not the women who’ve survived violence, discrimination, or exclusion.

Not the ambitious women who are watching from the sidelines, thinking, If this is feminism, I’m out.

When we make it about the players instead of the problem, we do the patriarchy’s work for them.

They don’t have to silence us; we’re too busy silencing each other.

They don’t have to discredit us; we’re too busy discrediting each other.

They don’t have to create conflict; we’re too busy creating it ourselves.

5 Ways to Support Sisterhood

Let me tell you what great feminist sisterhood looks like:

1. Disagreeing with a huge dose of respect and massive sprinkles of critical thinking.

2. Supporting women even when they take a different path or view from you.

3. Calling in, not calling out, especially in public.

4. Choosing solidarity.

5. Keeping your eye on the actual bloody ball. (Hint: smashing the patriarchy, not each other!)

Not every feminist is your soulmate. That’s fine. You don’t have to be BFFs. But please fight the system that oppresses us, not the woman standing beside you.

Final Truth Bombs

Truth Bomb: Sisterhood isn’t optional. It’s how we survive.

Truth Bomb: You don’t have to be a perfect feminist. You have to stay in the fight and fight the right enemy.

Repeat after me:

• I am determined to stop handing the patriarchy any more power.

• I will not reward or weigh in on performative pile-ons and women fighting with women.

• I will always act like I genuinely believe that women rise together.

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