I Sold My Suit of Armour: 10 Years On, I Still Embrace Vulnerability.

A decade of unlearning, unbecoming, and leading on my terms, while still dismantling the lies patriarchy told me about leadership.

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At 50, I cracked open the tough shell I’d spent decades building and let myself lead differently, vulnerably, wholeheartedly.

At 60, I’m proud, purposeful, and still undoing the damage patriarchy did. Here’s what I’ve learned.

About Michelle

I’m Michelle Redfern, a strategic leadership advisor, author of The Leadership Compass, feminist businesswoman, and truth-teller. I build systems that work for women. I lead with heart, swear a lot, and believe vulnerability is not weakness; it’s wisdom.

The Moment That Changed Everything

At 50, I made a conscious decision: I was fed up with the persona I had spent a career perfecting.

Tough. Low maintenance. Gets shit done. Doesn’t need help, a force to be reckoned with.

That version of me got the promotions, the boardroom seats, and the respect. But it also created distance between me and others and between me and myself.

I was so exhausted from being two versions of myself: the one who climbed the corporate ladder and the one quietly wondering, "Is this it?"

Then came a high-stakes job interview. The hiring exec looked me dead in the eye and said:

“I see through you, Michelle. It’s all a front, isn’t it? You’ve had to be tough, play hard, and now you’re stuck with this persona. I know you’re all that, but you’re so much more.”

Then he hired me.

That was when I decided to sell the armour I’d been wearing faithfully, like Brienne of Tarth from Game of Thrones, for decades.

I decided I was completely and utterly finished pretending and performing. I would lead truthfully, transparently, and wholeheartedly. (holy shit)

This was a very messy process back then, because let's face it, emotional exposure is a risky business. But I built stronger teams. I found purpose-aligned work. Then, I left the corporate sector to follow my bliss and lead on my terms.

So This Is 60

I’ve just turned 60. Holy crapping batman, that took a lot to write out loud.

But because I am still here doing the work I love, living a life that’s mine, and leading from the heart, not from fear, I cannot NOT be truthful and bluntly honest about my age.

I will not pretend I’m floating around on a cloud of wisdom, self-actualisation and joy at entering my sixties. I am fucking scared because this milestone birthday is fucking with my head big time.

Truth Bomb: Most of my “mid-life crises” have happened after milestone birthdays.

So this milestone birthday is not alone in bringing its messy cocktail of pride, grief, fire, and reflection.

So this is 60.

I promise to openly and vulnerably navigate my complex, conflicting feelings about becoming this number.

Because even I can’t always escape those patriarchal whispers, the ones that question my worth are based on my age, appearance, and visibility. The ones that say women like me should fade quietly into irrelevance.

It’s a load of shit, of course. But the unlearning of patriarchy is a lifelong journey, folks.

This part of my journey is the next stage on from the internalised misogyny that told me I had to be invulnerable to be valuable. That told me looking a certain way, acting a certain way, and keeping my ambition just polished enough was the ticket to being taken seriously.

It wasn’t. It never was.

Unbecoming to Become

I’ve spent the last ten years unbecoming everything I was conditioned to be.

What’s emerged is someone who leads with heart, (brutal) honesty, strategic clarity, and, yes, a lot less tolerance for bullshit.

Vulnerability was never the risk. Pretending was.

The more real I became, the more impactful I became. The less I conformed, the more I felt other women saw in me what was possible for them.

That’s why I’m still here, still writing, still leading, so that more women can unlearn the rules, drop the act, and lead on their own damn terms.

For the Women Still Wearing the Armour

If you’re still carrying the weight of who you think you have to be, I see you.

Truth Bomb: You don’t have to keep performing. You don’t have to wait for permission to show up as the whole, powerful, imperfect, flawesome, brilliant woman you already are.

You can unlearn. You can unbecome. And you can lead on your terms.

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The Leadership Unlearning Starter Kit

This bundle is for women who are fed up performing leadership roles. It’s for those ready to lead as their whole selves, with strategy, heart, and zero tolerance for patriarchal nonsense.

What’s Inside:

1. Lead to Soar Network Membership

As a paid subscriber, you’re invited into the Lead to Soar Network for a 3-month trial on me!

It’s the private space for unashamedly ambitious women who are determined to reach their full potential. Inside, you’ll find the people, programs, and tools to help you move from high-performing to high-impact.

What you get:

• Monthly leadership workshops and events

• Strategic networking opportunities

• Access to Michelle and the Lead to Soar faculty

• A community of feminist women who get it

This isn’t just another network. It’s a launchpad.

2. Go Deeper: Letter to Future You

This powerful reflective exercise from The Leadership Compass invites you to step into the next version of yourself.

You’ll write a letter to your future self, acknowledging what you’ve unlearned, what you’ve achieved, and how you’ve shown up on your terms.

Instructions and prompts included.

3. Who Are You Called to Become? Part I

This foundational resource from The Leadership Compass is your private space to answer the big questions about purpose, values, and leadership identity.

It includes guided reflection prompts to help you define:

• What you value

• What energises you

• What you want to stop doing

• Who you want to become

Inspired by the wisdom of Susan Colantuono and written for women who are ready to stop shrinking and start leading with intention.

You’ll find all three resources below. Consider this your next step toward leading on your own terms, without the armour.